Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Finding My Place

Tomorrow afternoon marks the beginning of a trip I have been looking forward to for what seems like forever: Port A, baby! My college buds and I have been spending weekends at Court's condo there for several years now. . .and Lauren is leaving TX, which means we absolutely must head to the beach to, um, celebrate? No. How 'bout send me out with a bang? Yeah.

I'm sad. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears for a week now. I approach everything with a "this is the last time I'll do this" type of attitude, which I've done since I was little and can be quite annoying. But I wouldn't want it any other way, because that's just how I deal with things. Today I thought about all the little things we as youth ministers "pick up" about our kids--what ticks them off, what they really mean to say when they can't get it out right, how to work with them in their many different moods. . .I know that the new youth minister (who hasn't been officially picked yet) will learn all of these things. I did. And it takes time. But dang, it's hard to let go. Much harder than I had expected. I'm finding that I'm not excited about someone new coming in. I thought I'd be fine with it, would want to spend time with him/her, would want to help the kids adjust. . .but no, I'm not fine with it. I'm sad. I need to grieve. And I think that means that maybe I need a clean break rather than to be active in the transition process.

And yet, even as I'm sad, I'm also so excited. It's the weirdest mix of feelings right now. I can't wait to move, to meet new friends, to have a new place and relax before Greek (!) starts, to spend time with Rob. . .I'm so ready for all of that. It's definitely an extra incentive that I have a special person out there who's waiting for me! :)

Okay, off to church yet again! Have a good weekend. I'll be enjoying some drinks on the beach with some of my bestest friends. Yesss.

Far away. . .I feel your beating heart.
I'll try to find my place with you.
~The Afters


Blogger Becky said...

Oh I'm getting sad. I don't think I'm ready to let go of you leaving here. What am I gonna do without a girlfriend around? Hopefully I'll just find this extremely hot and caring guy that will take care of me...

I'm very excited that your life is going to change. I think it's good for you and you are going to be amazing at what you plan to do. We'll get together soon to have our "last" Starbucks, OK. Love you.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Yay - I get to see you today!! There are so many things to talk about on the drive down...

Transition is hard. Whether you've been expecting it for months or just a moment, the emotions always seem to catch you off guard. I bitter sweet mix of sadness and joyful anticipation.

My church picked "the new me" as well... It is hard. I made the choice to leave - yet I feel angry / upset that I was replaced. What an ego I have! Sometimes we tend to forget WHO the focus should be on.

8:00 AM  
Blogger trishy said...

Port A baby!

Enough said.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

One time I disguised myself under the screenname "DemiurgeQC" and caused utter havoc in the online world!

Have fun at whatever it is you're going to. It seems my next 4 weekends are jam packed, too.

9:48 AM  

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