Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Cloudy Day

Sometimes there are moments when everything hits you and you wonder where exactly you are going and WHY?

I had one of those moments last night and I'm still sitting in it. My eyes are puffy from crying and every once in a while, they get watery all over again. Miscommunication with movers, reconciling with the fact that I will be living at or below the poverty line for the next four years (yeah, it hadn't really hit me yet until now), thinking of all that I'm leaving behind, sitting across from longtime friends over dinner and soaking in the memories of each friend and each conversation. . .everything is hitting me at once and I feel like I'm sinking. . .

But I will follow where God leads because that's all I can do. I still know that this is right, but just because it's right doesn't mean it will be easy. In fact, because it's right it may be super hard at times. But if a seminarian can't trust that God provides, then who can? I have my health, my family, and my friends by my side. All in all, life is good and just where it needs to be. In a month, I'll be immersed in a new life. I just have to trudge through all the ugliness in between then and now. . .

I'll get there.


How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
~Sobieski and Meehan

3 Comments:

Blogger trishy said...

I'm right there with you on all of this, only I have a little more time, though no actual timeline. And I'll be poor right along with you.

My mom always tells me though that some of their happiest times were when she and my dad were in their twenties and too poor to do anything that cost money.

You'll be ok. I'll be ok. Life will be ok, better than ok even. Blessed, in fact.

Be strong, dear friend.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

Life is full of struggles. It was never meant to be easy. But just think of how amazing your life is going to be in the future. You'll be what and who you want to be: LAUREN!

I know you're making the right decision and you know you're making the right decision. You will become such a strong person after this.

Many Blessings on your new life!!
Much Love.

1:17 PM  
Blogger trishy said...

Talking to you last night and realizing we're in the same boat (well similar boats anyway) made me feel so much better. I hope you feel better about things, too.

I just hope we have the money to put gas in our cars so we can visit each other!

10:20 AM  

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