Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Letting Go

I have a dear friend who is struggling with letting go of someone who has been a huge part of her life for 7 years. And it's hard. It sucks. It hurts. But it sometimes has to be done. . .without looking back.

Many times we seek closure--we feel that if we could just say one more thing to someone, we would finally be able to let it go completely. But I've learned that, at least for me, I always have something else I could say, I always have something else I long to hear, no matter how many opportunites for closure I make or take. I finally realized that the real healing happens not because I said what I needed to say one more time, hoping that this time it would change things. . .no, the real healing happens when I let it go, turn around, and move forward with my life. It doesn't mean that I forget the person I'm moving away from--quite the opposite. I will always remember the person fondly, and I may sometimes wonder what happened between us to cause all the frustration and sadness that ended our relationship. However, because I move on, I am allowing both of us the freedom to let go of one another and, in turn, to be truly happy instead of perpetuating the unhealthy cycle that had begun to characterize our relationship. I don't want a cycle. I want progression. And as long as I held on to this person and to the belief that holding on might give us hope to be together again, I was stuck in a cycle that consistently left me dissatisfied.

It took me over a year to let go. I understand the difficulty, the excuses we make, the fear we have of really saying goodbye to someone. And I know it's easier said than done. I used to get extremely frustrated at those who tried to tell me exactly what I just wrote above; I would say, "You just don't understand my relationship. It's different." Or is it?

I leave you with this: Don't be afraid to let go. Sticking with what's familiar is comfortable, yes. But you have to look carefully at your relationship and ask yourself, "is this what I always dreamed it would be?"


Blogger Becky said...

Lauren, it's like we're on the same page when it comes to what's on our minds. I guess, as girls, we're always thinking the same thing. You are wise in your words. Sometimes it just takes us longer to accept what we always knew. We can never really forget a person or an event, but we should cherish them and put them in our memory instead of in our everyday thoughts.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:54 AM  
Anonymous sarah l. said...

It's not Lent, but your entry reminded me of my old pastor's characterization of the word "repent"... how it literally means to turn around and go the other way. I've had relationships that I've really had to repent from... that I've had to turn away, walk away, go away from. And you're right... it is a freeing feeling to be able to walk in that new direction, to progress, to break the cycle.

7:53 AM  

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