Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Coupla Things

Some insights from today:

1) Court and I were watching The Wedding Planner on TV and I realized that the couple who's about to get married at the end, but doesn't (Matthew McConaughey and the really pretty girl) is a really good example of my last serious relationship. That boy and I would've analyzed our own wedding had we made it that far. :) And in the movie, there's really no tangible or perfectly explainable reason for the end of their relationship. . .it just wasn't gonna work anymore. Their last look at each other is endearing and it's obvious that there is a lot of something there. . .some form of love, perhaps? Maybe just a lot of history and understanding. Regardless, watching their goodbye made a lot of sense to me. And of course I love pondering the many forms of love, and Hollywood actually captured something real in that depiction, I think.

2) I'm glad we're leaving on a Thursday for Guatemala because that meant I was at church tonight. There's nothing like getting tons of hugs and encouragement when you're anxious/nervous about something. The best hug of all came from one of my favorite people, Merle Franke. He's 81 years old, our interim pastor, energetic as ever, and has a spirit that just stays with you. I kinda cry after every time I talk with him--you know how your eyes tear up when something moves you? Yep, that's how it is. (Yes, I'm an emotional girl--deal with it.) :) I do believe that when this man dies, the world will be a bit sadder. He's one of those people you feel lucky to have known, even if only for a short time. Anyway, I had missed him when I left the office earlier, so I was glad to run into him this evening as I was leaving and get a "grandpa" hug and some words of blessing--just what I needed.

3) I heard some great old school songs today on the radio: Prodigy, Breathe and Cypress Hill, Insane in the Membrane. *sigh* Awesome. Flashbacks to high school rock. :)

Okay, time to finish packing and get some sleepy-sleep. Love to all. And PEACE.

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
~Jiddu Krishnamurti

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Another shot for Guatemala. Another $120 for a milliliter of Hepatitis B pumped into my arm. I sure hope this trip is worth it. . .

And now, for your viewing pleasure (and since I haven't done it yet), I've decided to post more pictures from Becca's wedding. Plus, my mind is incredibly tired tonight and I'm too lazy to come up with something fun to write about. So here goes!

This is me and Beto at the rehearsal. We were paired to walk down the aisle together for obvious reasons--we're both short. He's a fun guy. Court nicknamed him Drug Lord. . .those glasses crack me up.

This is me and beautiful Becca before we walked down the aisle. I've noticed that both weddings I've been in, I've started crying at the same time--right before I walk down the aisle! It's like I choose this time to look back at the bride and remember the day we met, all that's happened since we've met, and marvel at the fact that I'm now in her wedding. Goodness, the tears were coming.

Throughout the rehearsal, Court was intentional about taking pictures of me where I looked dumb. She even came up to me afterwards bragging about her photography skills and how she kept laughing at me. Granted, Courtney and I can't be in the same room without distracting each other and laughing constantly. Anyway, in this picture, I'm scratching a dang mosquito bite (stupid Houston!). . .I am NOT checking the time as it may seem. :)

Can we say awesome shot? Of course, it took a couple of tries, but we managed.


And now blogger won't upload any more photos for me. I'm sad. But at least we got some in. . .

Monday, October 24, 2005

Who, Me?

I'm always told that "someday I'll appreciate" the fact that almost everyone who meets me assumes that I'm younger than I am. But it's quite annoying. Here's the most recent example, which occurred on a college campus last night while accompanying my high school youth to a campus ministry function:

college girl who thought I was in high school: You high school students are fun! (or some comment like that)
me (realizing that she thinks I'm one of the high school students and starting up a conversation with the intent of setting her straight): What year are you in school?
college girl: Well, I'm a 'super senior'--I should have graduated last year, but I'm graduating this year.
me: Oh, so you're just a year younger than me. Cool.
college girl (looking at me with much disbelief, as if I'm soooo silly for thinking I could possibly be older than her): Umm. . .I'm going to be 23 soon.
me: Yep, I'll be 24 in a month. That's cool.
college girl who thought I was in high school: Really? Oh my gosh, I thought you were in high school! I'm sorry!
me (laughing politely and nodding my head): Oh, no worries, it definitely happens all the time.

Later, after worship, some of the other college students came up and said, "So I hear you're the youth minister? Wow, you've already done the whole college thing?"

Yes. I was done 2 years ago, in fact.

I think what really got me last night is the look that girl gave me. Like I must have been so stupid to talk to her like she was younger than me. Uggggghhhhhh. Annoying.

On the bus on the way back home, I was talking to some of my youth group about it and I said, "Well maybe I should dress more professionally or something" (after all, I was wearing flip flops, a hoodie, jeans. . .normal attire for me) and Justin says, "No way. Don't do that." ha ha Okay, I'll keep being myself.

And everyone else can just keep thinking I'm 18. This happens quite often, too. Like this past Friday, I was in Kerrville, standing in line to buy a Dr. Pepper at a gas station. And one of the attendants at another register, a nice cowboy-ish man, called to me, "I can get you over here, little one." I smiled. "Little one" just makes me laugh. I guess it's not so bad. It's kinda cool that I can slip into high schools and walk around like I'm one of the kids. No one ever asks me if I have a visitor's pass. I guess that's only a perk when you're a youth minister, huh? But the psychology lover in me thinks it's fun because I could do numerous studies on high school campuses and never look suspicious. :) And at least Becky deals with it, too. . .in Key West, we surprised many people when we told them how old we were. Some didn't even believe us. Whatever.

In other news, I went shopping for Guatemala today and got some HOT black rubber boots. Oh yes, I am cool. :) Apparently we'll need them while we trudge through the mud and swampy stuff. Leah saw them and said, "Wow, these are cool." Definitely.

I slept in today, which was nice. I have the day off, even though I have a meeting tonight. . .ugh. So I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day before I have to go. Adios, mis amigos.

And I'll sing songs and hope you're listening carefully
And know exactly what I mean

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Not There Yet

I'm getting a little anxious about Guatemala. We leave a week from today--as in, this time next week I'll be there. It's crazy. And it's not like I haven't ever been out of the country before. But this is definitely different for me. I think I'm nervous for several reasons: 1) I have a lot to do and 10 days away from all that stuff just makes it scary to come back to (response to this complaint could be, "10 days away from all that stuff gives me a break from it, too!!"); 2) I can get scared when I travel--mainly about my health. I get nervous about what to eat, what not to eat, did I just swallow some water accidentally?, etc. ha ha; 3) I hate packing. And I still have things to round up next week. At least Steve is going with me to help me out.

Okay, so there we have it. I'm nervous/anxious/scared about the trip. But at the same time, I cannot wait to talk to the people, take pictures and bring home stories, practice my (little) Spanish, and learn about another place in God's world. Steve says that we might not have much to do in the way of physical projects while we're there, so it might even be a relaxing time to take a book, sit outside and read it! I love it when I have time to really read. I don't make enough time for it in my daily life.

Please say prayers for our trip--not just for us, but also for the people who we will meet.

It's so fun to think about the fact that there are people out there I haven't even met yet who very well may become hugely important to who I am after the trip. . .there are more pieces to my puzzle out there (reference to recent entry entitled "Puzzle")!

I'm out. Off to SA tomorrow evening to hang with John and Marcy--sooo excited to see them! Saturday night is bowling with the middle school kids--maybe I can beat my most recent score of 121. :) I'm taking Monday off to chill. . .and shop for Guatemela. . .and I'll most likely work a bit from home. . .just can't escape it.

Love to all. Peace.

Everyone around us screams, "It's got to be and it's got to hit you."
Well, you and me, well we can change the world.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

More Than We Know

You are so weak.
Give up to grace.
The ocean takes care of each wave until it gets to shore.
You need more help than you know.

Who knows what I have been spared because of grace? I need more help than I will ever know.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Beautiful Becca & Bridesmaids

I absolutely love this picture. It captures so much. The only one missing is Court, but she's behind the camera, so she's there. :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle.
And so it goes.
Souls going this way and that
Trying to assemble the myriad parts.

But know this. No one has within themselves
All the pieces to their puzzle.
Like before the days when they used to seal
jigsaw puzzles in cellophane. Insuring that
all the pieces were there.

Everyone carries with them at least one and probably
Many pieces to someone else's puzzle.
Sometimes they know it.
Sometimes they don't.

And when you present your piece
Which is worthless to you,
To another, whether you know it or not,
Whether they know it or not,
You are a messenger from the Most High.

-Lawrence Kushner

Throughout my life, people have provided me with pieces to my puzzle. Through knowing them, I gained insight into myself, my heart, my mind, my perspective, my world. And they probably didn't even know that they gave me a piece of my puzzle!

Sometimes after I received the puzzle piece, I never saw that person again. There was a reason and a season for that person to be in my life. . .we exchanged puzzle pieces, fit the new pieces into our existing puzzles, and moved on as more complete people than we had been when we met.

And there are others who are still an active presence in my life--possibly continuing to present me with even more puzzle pieces as time goes on.

But even though my pieces are from different people--some who brought joy into my life, some who brough pain, some who impressed me, some who disappointed me, some whose presence was only meant to last a certain amount of time, some whose presence will last a lifetime--the pieces are equally significant. They all go into my puzzle. They are all needed to complete me.

So here we are--incomplete, often ugly puzzles. . .puzzles that try so hard to complete ourselves by our own means. We are "souls going this way and that/trying to assemble the myriad parts" of ourselves. And as we bump into each other along the way, hurriedly attempting to finish our own puzzles, we are actually finishing others' puzzles.

You are a messenger from the Most High.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

More things I love. . .
*bubble baths! I've gotten really into these lately and I love them.
*fall afternoons at the park--spread out a blanket, read a book, watch families, laugh with roommates. . .not much better than that.
*college friend reunions! Abby, Martha, and Paige spent the night last night. . .yay for old neighbor fun times!
*friends' weddings. Trishy asked me to be a bridesmaid!! I'm soooooo excited. :) And honored.
*having a house to decorate for holidays. Excited about carving a pumpkin!
*cold beer. How funny, I now love beer. . .well, certain beers, that is. But beer nonetheless.

Lots to be thankful for right now. Lots.

Court, Leah, and I swear we saw a bobcat in the neighborhood earlier today. It was a baby. But it was definitely a "different kind of cat." Kinda scary. Could've been a baby cougar, too, Mom says. That made me laugh, for reasons only a few would understand. :)

Must go, my bathtub beckons me to come and relax. . .

Are you preoccupied?
The moment's passing.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I love. . .
*high school football games--the bands (naturally the only part I'm really interested in. . .what a nerd), the cheering, the crazy outfits on crazy fans, the drumlines, the energy.
*cool weather--what? it actually feels like fall? Break out the sweaters and hoodies, Lorena!
*my bed
*new mentors
*realizations and insights
*101 X, one of my new favorite stations--from old school rock that jolts me back to middle school to fabulous indie stuff, this station's got it going on.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Letting Go

I have a dear friend who is struggling with letting go of someone who has been a huge part of her life for 7 years. And it's hard. It sucks. It hurts. But it sometimes has to be done. . .without looking back.

Many times we seek closure--we feel that if we could just say one more thing to someone, we would finally be able to let it go completely. But I've learned that, at least for me, I always have something else I could say, I always have something else I long to hear, no matter how many opportunites for closure I make or take. I finally realized that the real healing happens not because I said what I needed to say one more time, hoping that this time it would change things. . .no, the real healing happens when I let it go, turn around, and move forward with my life. It doesn't mean that I forget the person I'm moving away from--quite the opposite. I will always remember the person fondly, and I may sometimes wonder what happened between us to cause all the frustration and sadness that ended our relationship. However, because I move on, I am allowing both of us the freedom to let go of one another and, in turn, to be truly happy instead of perpetuating the unhealthy cycle that had begun to characterize our relationship. I don't want a cycle. I want progression. And as long as I held on to this person and to the belief that holding on might give us hope to be together again, I was stuck in a cycle that consistently left me dissatisfied.

It took me over a year to let go. I understand the difficulty, the excuses we make, the fear we have of really saying goodbye to someone. And I know it's easier said than done. I used to get extremely frustrated at those who tried to tell me exactly what I just wrote above; I would say, "You just don't understand my relationship. It's different." Or is it?

I leave you with this: Don't be afraid to let go. Sticking with what's familiar is comfortable, yes. But you have to look carefully at your relationship and ask yourself, "is this what I always dreamed it would be?"