Saturday, September 10, 2005

Where's the Lightning Bolt?

I went to Luther Seminary this weekend with Dad. And I was hoping hoping hoping that the visit would make my seminary decision a lot easier. I was walking around, waiting for a sudden revelation to come into my heart and mind--I was waiting for a This is it! This is the place for me! feeling. I wasn't feeling it. . .until I walked into the Youth & Family Ministry headquarters. And talked with Rollie Martinson--the Rollie Martinson. :) Now for those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, let's just say I felt like I was meeting a celebrity--in a sense. Rollie is famous in the Lutheran world for his knowledge in youth ministry, his writings, his presentations, etc. And I was shaking his hand. . .I could have the opportunity to study with him at seminary! Wow. And I'd never thought that the Youth Ministry specialization would be for me, but when I was standing there, I did. I definitely felt it. And within the first 10 minutes of being on campus, I ran into 2 people I knew! One from camp and another from Austin. About an hour later, I ran into a friend from TLU. It was hilarious--both our tour guide and Dad commented on the fact that I "already know everyone." ha ha Everyone was so nice and I definitely left feeling that I wanted to try this out. I wanted to go for it and head up to Luther in the fall.

So then I get back to Texas. And as I'm driving through my home state, I'm feeling the familiar sense of this is my home. I'm recognizing what I already knew--that I will deeply miss this place if I leave. I will deeply miss my family (my sister was not happy when I mentioned I might very well head up north for school). I will deeply miss the people here, whether I know them or not. And it's not just the 'missing' feelings. . .it's also the fact that I've just moved into a house with two very fun roommates--if I move, I'll be back in an apartment by myself. I'm close to the people at my church and could still spend time there if I stayed here in Austin. I feel like I have a community of friends here that I don't want to leave. Austin has become home and I'm not a huge fan of change--will it be worth it to say goodbye to all of this that has become me and my home?? All of this makes me wonder where I'm truly supposed to be. . .

I can't say I have a clear idea yet. Austin's seminary is a great program. I wouldn't be missing out on anything academically. And yet I think to myself, You have always wanted to go away. This is the time to do it, to try it out! Nothing is permanent.

Any advice? :) I'm torn. And the final decision I know will have to come from my heart. I will keep praying and seeking where my 'new home' might be. And I know that wherever I decide to be, God will bless that experience. But of course I have to make everything into a big ordeal--that's just who I am. :)

I'm so thankful for Dad who took time to travel up there with me. . .and pay for the trip! I love taking trips with Dad. Plus I really respect his opinion on things like this.

I am not my own.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is Austin after all... - Kendall

8:20 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

Like I said before...I would miss you terribly if you left, but I would be so proud of you if you did. When else are you going to be able to do this? Nothing is holding you back and it will make you a stronger person. Do what you feel lead to do, you have plenty of time. I love ya.

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lauren -

Just remember that if you do go to arent saying goodbye to those people and those relationships...they are still there and do exisit...just remember that its not the rest of your life...

7:12 PM  
Anonymous sarah l. said...

I've found that many of my "spiritual breakthrough" moments came very quietly and gently. It's never easy to make a decision that would change life around for a few years, but the fact that you seemed so at home on the campus - and ran into your mentor! - speaks a lot. Austin will always be there, and your friends will always be there for you, too. Hey, I'm a native Texan, proud as pudding about it, but if God says go... you gotta go! :)

3:12 PM  

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